A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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