If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
