just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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