You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
