She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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