hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
