i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
