Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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