he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
