Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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