they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
