The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Randomize