you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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