They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
