he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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