Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize