I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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