better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
