so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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