Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
