I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
