oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
