the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
