Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
