i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
