i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
