is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
