At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I need to sanitize my soul.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
