Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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