Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
