so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
