I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i love accidental penises.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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