I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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