Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
