I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
