conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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