Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
