ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
