Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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