she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
