so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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