youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
