i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
He did a backflip because drugs
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