k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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