dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
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