you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
