ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
