I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
