I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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