You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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