but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
