Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
