ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
you had me at cake vodka
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
