I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
