i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She told me I should be a condom model.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
