you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
