this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
