Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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