how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
be right there i have to get my cape
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
