I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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