Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
