Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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