He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
