I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
