I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize