i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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