i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize