how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
